Ok mummas, summer is approaching us quickly down in Oz but for what I am about to share it doesn't really matter what season around the globe you are heading into.
A year ago my group of friends were all talking about this great new training place one of their best mates had opened up. I immediately switched off because I HATE GYMS. I appreciate how amazing they are and what they do for people but gyms have been a massive self esteem killer for me. No one's fault at all, everyone would be none the wiser doing their own thing and loving it, which is great. For me though, I tried every year signing up to a new one and doing my best to go a few times a week, join classes, follow a program and everything else. Not once did I like it and suffered major internal anxiety while I was there.
It was my crazy mind playing tricks on me looking around people on the treadmill and in aerobics classes just all skinny and stunning. I wasn't skinny and I wasn't feeling stunning so no wonder I never really saw great results. How could you when your mind set is in complete disarray with doubts and negative thoughts clouding all judgement. So you can see when I heard training centre opening I assumed gym and then completely zoned out to avoid further panic.
Through the months I watched my friends post pics of their bodies changing shapes and how strong they were getting, but that wasn't really what was standing out to me. These girls are some of my closest friends so I knew them well and there was something different about them all on the inside. They were confident and happy. They talked about themselves differently and their minds were .... strong!
I couldn't get it out of my mind and still continued to turn down their encouraging invitations that I would love it. I thought, group class in a gym, I can't do it and felt nervous even thinking about it. I had a pile of kettle bells, medicine balls and weights at home that I said I was using and 'loved' but really they were sitting in a corner covered in dust and got pretty used to hearing me say I will use you guys on Monday starting next week and this time I won't give up. Monday came and went and so did another twelve. I was never going to be able to do this on my own because my head was always telling me I couldn't. My kids made me tired and not having Cam home during the week until late at night gave me zero time and motivation.
So just after my birthday last year I sat writing a blog with this burden in the back of my head. I was supposed to lose 10kgs before my birthday and instead put on 5kgs. I stopped writing and started sobbing. I wanted my body to look different but as I began to be completely honest with myself I wasn't doing anything at all to make that change. My eating was all over the place and exercise was just written on my weekly plan and nothing more. I wiped my face, sat up straight and switched to email where I wrote to Damian Quinton at F45 Bella Vista.
I thought there's no point not being honest with where I'm at and told him the anxiety I had towards gyms and how I felt about myself. I even told him how I was connected to mutual friends but asked if he could keep it to himself that I would be coming along to see him each week. He wrote back and was so encouraging that I decided to give it a week or two and see how I felt.
On a Tuesday morning, I dropped the kids off at preschool and school and headed to Bella Vista's F45 training studio. The fact that it never used the word gym was a good start. I felt sick walking in and was internally a mess. Before starting, Damian talked to me about my goals and changing my mind set. For me it was all about that and within minutes of starting I knew this was going to help me.
Tuesday became my day that set me up for the week. I purposefully stayed away from Monday because I wanted to get my mind out of the habit of saying I will start Monday. For me, it would be Tuesdays and no excuses! My friends continued to invite me along and I would decline but this time there was no anxiety just internal joy that when I was ready, I would tell them knowing they would have a laugh and be super proud. It wasn't a silly game I was playing, it was me changing something in me and making sure I stuck at it before coming clean. I didn't want to say and then give up the week after. This was about me and me only, and it was working.
You have seen pics of me and I'm no twig. I still get my eating wrong and sometimes the Tuesday workout with Damo is all I manage to achieve in terms of exercise over the week, BUT my gosh! I am seriously strong! Cam often laughs and jokes that a lot of the weightsI use, I keep up with him or more. He's not weak at all so I know what I am achieving is awesome. My body feels so strong and I can see my shape changing and my body slowly trusting me to make the change. In terms of physical appearance, I know I will get there. That's a massive and slow journey that has a lot of obstacles in the way. However, I can't explain how clear and tough my mind is. There is just a tonne of space now where all the horrid thoughts and anxious feelings have started to disappear and phrases like I will do this, I can do this, I am worth it, my family is worth it, I am strong, I want to change are starting to make their way in. And let me tell you, when you have positive thoughts like that in your mind, the rest of your life becomes so much easier as well!
I know I'm not alone here and talking to myself. This is what The Realistic Mum blog is all about. It's to show you my life; honestly and completely with every experience I have as a mum. Well here is my big one and I am sharing it with you. If you feel like me then do yourself a favour and make a change!
If you are in the Hills District Sydney then go to f45training.com.au at Bella Vista just off Norwest Boulevard on Lexington Drive and book in for the Morning HIIT class Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 10am. It's a perfect combination of cardio, weights and boxing and you can go to the ones you love or them all. Hit your friends up and go together!!!
Feel free to email me at email@example.com if you want some encouragement or someone to talk to as I know how hard this struggle is xx
©The Realistic Mum
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If you love children’s books then I have written a lovely little book on clouds changing into different shapes that you can find on Amazon and iTunes. Look for the title Look At The Clouds, What Can You See? It's only $2.99 !!!!!!!