For some having a caesareans or multiple ones come with a heavy aftermath of guilt. As you read some I briefly mentioned on Wednesday, you may had noticed it took a long while for me to work through these negative feelings. I came up with a list that helped me and I hope can help you see through this and truly understand the amazing miracle you were part of.
1. Your Baby is Alive! - As you sit and watch your baby sleeping just think if you were in a time without the medical procedures now, your baby wouldn't be here with you and you may not have survived the birth as well. Thanks to C-sections, we can enjoy motherhood like any other mother.
2. Your Story is Sacred - I burst with pride over any mumma who delivers a birth whether it's in 30 minutes, drug free, hours, days you name it. However, I hold a special favouritism over mummas who have had c-sections. You will find that most of these mummas stories come with a little bit of heartbreak, emergency, pain or fear be it selected or not. However, you will hold this special story as I do for each of mine how they came into the world and you will forever be grateful you have them.
3. You are Strong - C-Sections are no princess party let me tell you. If you are feeling like I did with Jack, weak and a failure I want you to listen to me. I have done it three times so feel I have some ample back up. YOU ARE AMAZING! Did you see all the work you put into trying to have the baby and then spend six weeks after still in pain. That takes one extremely strong woman to put in those hard yards and come out with a smile. It wasn't until I realised what a strong person I had become that I saw where I pulled my strength from. Yes, my birth experience. I figure now if I got through that times three well any challenge can just come right at me and I will happily tackle! Bring it!
4. You are Brave - Have you properly sat down and really thought about the courage it took to lay there with you and your baby's life in the hands of a surgeon to use a knife to cut through your belly and get your baby out safely? You actually gave permission for someone to cut you open, while you are awake because all you were thinking about was getting your baby out the safest way possible. Your mother's love started right at that moment beautiful mumma.
5. Your Scar is Beautiful - People show me scars from their operations of having things removed etc and yes that was important but I look at my scar and think they have nothing on mine. My scar assisted to bring life! My scar reminds me that I have three healthy, wonderful children because I could have caesareans. My scar is proof that I am strong and brave.
6. Pain? What Pain? - For the rest of my life there is one pain I will never forget. When I would describe labour I remember it hurt but can't quite put into words the feeling of it. The first time I had my catheter taken out and had to get out of bed, the pain was unlike anything I thought it would be. I'm sure I called the midwife about 50 times over the week thinking I had split my stitches and my organs were about to pop out all over the floor from sneezing or coughing. Remember trying to give the midwife a cough until she was satisfied it was a cough? I would have to say I don't think anything I have done has hurt as much as that moment.
7. Put Your Feet Up - You have the best excuse to take it easy and you absolutely should! They don't give you strong pain meds so you can clean through your house and cook a roast. The difference between my recoveries came down to how much rest I did. I took Eva's recovery so for-granted and even moved house a few weeks after. We had family swarm in staying with us and I just picked up from where I left off plus an extra family member. Worst decision ever. Although I could do many things, my pain stayed with me for months. Any sudden or weird movement, picking up something or walking around too much just hurt a lot and this was so long after I had Eva. I just didn't give my body the time it needed and not making the same mistake again with Franklin, my recovery was much quicker.
8. In-tact and Un-stretched - Your Vagina thanks you for not stretching to the size of a watermelon so you may enjoy sex as you did pre children... well kind of ;)
9. Floppy Bits - That little bulge that permanently hangs above your scar line. Well I'm really digging for something positive about that but at least when you over eat nothing in your waist size changes right? I have now made a full wardrobe commitment to elastic waistlines and zero buttonage! They just don't work for me any more. And as long as someone doesn't ask me if I'm pregnant and they want to live to see the end of the day then we will go with that.
10. Just Be Proud of Yourself - Mumma you need to fight through the guilt and disappointment and be proud of what you did. Block out the pushing baby birth stories that sting and smile and be proud of your friends who could do that. Here is where I get all emotional now and I'm making so many typos from my eyes full of tears but if I was sitting next to you right now I would hug you tight and tell you that you are the most incredible mumma on the planet for doing what you did. If you didn't plan or want this, it's not because you didn't try. I'm sure your story isn't far off mine and I am already hearing through emails and instagram so many of your experiences. Re tell your story because each time you do, it will make you feel stronger and prouder. Someone who I won't mention by name but she will know it's her reading this sat with me while I cried from the disappointment because I wanted to have her birth story. I told her she was my hero and she shook her head and said "but lovely, you are mine." That was the turning point for me and although sometimes it hurts and I wish it different, I am so proud of how brave I was to go through that. You are my hero mumma so be proud x
© The Realistic Mum
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